“When I was a little kid, I kinda had this problem. And it’s not even that big of a deal, something like 8 percent of kids do it. For some reason, I don’t know why. I would just kinda… sit around all day… and draw pictures of dicks.
I’d just sit there hours on end drawing dicks. I didn’t know what it was. I couldn’t touch the pen to the paper without drawing the shape of a penis. Imagine what everyone else would think? So I would stash all my dick drawings in this Ghostbusters lunchbox that I had.
He [the principal] finds this Ghostbusters lunchbox dick treasure chest and he fucking flips out. He calls in my parents. Turns out this principal is a religious fanatic, and he thinks I’m possessed by some sort of dick devil.
My parents go make me see some therapist, and he’s asking me all these dick questions. They literally stopped me from eating foods that were shaped like dicks. No hot dogs, no popsicles…
You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds.”
